It’s funny – I was in two minds whether to post Lisa’s question about how to separate her horses safely, without stressing them (original post here).
I’m so glad i did: a flood of emails and posts have come in. Have a look at these:
Julie really does paint a picture of just how stressful these beautiful herd animals find separation – and how dangerous it can become for us.
“I have recently had to seperate my two horses. One went back to the previous owner and they have been together for 4 years. I have never experienced such trauma in all my life. I thought my old guy was going to have a heart attack. I have not had much to do with horses and am a bit frightened but each day I have just spent more time with the old guy and he is loves his cuddles and attention. I have moved him to a paddock where he sees lots of other horses and he has settled down really well and only after a week. I am not sure if I should get him another friend or not but would be interested in any advice I can get.
Julie”
“Sharon’s tips have hit an accord with my friend and i, we too have become horse owners for the first time and yes we bought two horses that had been paddocked together for years off a farmer,one a nine yr old the other ten yr.As my friend is leaving near christmas to move down to her farm we too are going through the process that Sharon has discribed with reasonable success.The mare [9 yr] we have dicovered has quite an attitude and is all to ready to kick out with her hind quarters to any unwary person and my horse we dont seem to be able to get this under control and as we are novices would appreciate any comments we can get to further our knowledgeon horses and yes we fully intend to buy the horse whisperer book when we finish paying off our vet bills.
Kerri”
“Here is proven method: Take one of the horses and put it in a pin that is safe with hay and maybe special hay such as alfalfa or orchard. Saddle the other one and ride away a distance to equal a time of about 2 minutes. Ride back. Ride away for 3 minutes, ride back. Ride away for 4 minutes, ride back. You get the jest, keep it up. The reason it works, the horse left behind gets anxious then calms down as you return. Then anxious and then calm. This process of anxious then calm actually builds until the horse left behind just says I know they are coming back and I am all out of adrenline so I will just eat my hay. Have patience and remember sometimes you have to do something 100 times not 3 or 4 or 10. Horses relate to repetition.
Deborah”
Hope you find them helpful. Please keep the posts and tips coming in.
And if you’d like to bond with your horse, have a look here.
And now onto Beth.
“If you’ve spent any time around horses, you’ve probably noticed that some of them form incredibly close bonds. These inseparable horses are the best of friends, and their attachment can be both heartwarming and, let’s be honest, a little inconvenient at times. But what’s behind these deep connections, and what should you know if you’re dealing with one of these clingy duos?”
“Horses are naturally social animals, and in the wild, their survival depends on sticking together as a herd. So, it’s no surprise that even in a domesticated setting, they form strong friendships. When two horses bond, they’ll often do everything together—grazing, playing, grooming each other, and even standing guard while the other rests. This bond, known as “pair bonding,” isn’t just cute—it’s part of their nature.”
“But, as sweet as it is, these close friendships can sometimes cause problems. Have you ever tried taking one horse out for a ride while its buddy is left behind? Cue the frantic whinnying, pacing, and general chaos. They become inseparable so horses so when left behind can become so anxious that it feels like you’ve taken away their lifeline. Meanwhile, the one you’re riding might be too distracted by missing its friend to focus on what you’re asking it to do.”
“So, what can you do? The key is patience and training. Slowly help your inseparable horses get comfortable being apart for short periods. Gradually increase the time and distance, rewarding calm behavior. It might take some time, but they can learn to be independent without losing their bond.”
“In the meantime, enjoy watching their friendship. It’s a beautiful reminder of how emotional and connected horses truly are—they’ve got a lot more heart than we often give them credit for! Beth”
Hello,
I think this mare of Kerri’a needs some manners training before attemptng anything, as the horses confrontational attitude might result in an injury. Perhaps the two of them could then be placed in ajoining paddocks where they have visual and limited physical access (grooming over the fence etc.). begin this with just 15 minutes (or less if necessay)and increase the time on each occasion..until thy are happy to graze on their own (seperately)without being on ‘constant look out’. Once this has been accomplished you can then start (with baby steps)removing the horses out of each others sight – first momentarily and the for a couple of minutes and so on….Take all of this as slowly as possible to avoid serious setbacks…However please remember that the first task is to gain the respect of the mare….
Love these stories! Keep ’em coming!!!
I also love these stories every day I always look and read this e-mail. It gives me good advice and sometimes a laugh. 🙂 😛 🙄 😆
Deborah,
Thanks for posting that. I am a first time owner and my horse is a bit herd-bound, and as soon as I’m able to ride again (broke my back in the fall) I’m going to give it a try. We’ve bonded very well thru grooming and just spending time together, so I’m hoping the combination of that and your tip will work for us!! This is such a helpful site Al – thanks so much!!
This has become a real problem for me. My 7 yr old TWH picks a buddy on every trailride. He is fine if he can be near his buddy, but will throw a fit if he thinks he is too far away. Yesterday he tied himself in a knot (seemingly, jumped up in the air and spun around. I am no longer young enough to deal with this and have been thrown. Every cure I have researched requires lengthy training. I would love to find a cowboy who would step off of him and yank him off his feet when he does that. I’m thinking that would put a stop to his foolishness.
jerking your horse off his feet obviously could be dangerous .It’s not an easy task and takes a skilled rider to pull it off.it’s old school and not advisable.so many things can go wrong(1)the rider could get hurt.(2)you end up with a broken saddle.(3)a hurt and spooked horse,that may not ever let a rider back on him. Find another way to deal with this problem.try riding in a large group.putting one horse between him and his buddy,wait for him to settle,then another.keep putting more distant between him and his buddy,letting him settle each time.staying calm yourself,firm but not jerking. Good luck 😐
I have a sad and amazing story about separation. When I rescued by 24 yr. old thoroughbred, Lady Rhythm, she had retired with an older mare, Dusty, and had been with for years. But the older mare was very feeble and though the owner had wanted me to take both, I was new to horses and had a small space and felt I would not have the resources to take proper care of an ailing horse. I had no idea about how close horses were. I had been told they would even accept chickens as a play mate and I had room for those. Also, the neighbors had a horse. I was told that was good enough. It wasn’t. My mare, Lady Rhythm, broke through a barbed wire fence of my neighbors to get to another horse. She hurt herself. So I bought her a young companion and she settled down. After eight months, both my mares broke out and ran down the highway and were brought back in the middle of the night by a not too pleased police officer. My old mare was very agitated and wouldn’t eat for two days. I called the previous owner and asked her if this had ever happened to the mare before. She gave me the news. They had put Dusty down the night Lady Rhythm had run away, heading down the highway toward Roy, WA where she and Dusty had lived, over 200 miles away. Lady Rhythm knew. I know she knew. They are not just herd animals. They are deep and loyal friends. I pray to God I never have to sell my horses.
I have just moved my injured horse to a paddock on its own and I worry about how he will be when we go to events where there are other horses. There Re people around and a horse in a nearby paddock but you can’t see him. There are chickens and my daughter and I go and spend time before and after school .
Oh my god, that is so tragic. Poor Lady Rhythm. Such a very sad story, thank you for sharing it. 😥
The separation method using hay as a soother is a good one. The using of their mouths leads to endorphins and a calmer acceptance. Think licking and chewing. And how we feel when eating.
The other method of riding away and coming back very quickly is also a good one. I also will tell the horse being left well before I actually ride away that we are returning and I have a mental picture of riding back into view. I have no evidence but I do feel that it helps. Telling him earlier in the procedure means that there is no upset and I feel the communication is more likely to be “heard”.
Hi. My name is monica. I have a 18 yr.old mare
When i go get her in the pasture, she will let me catch her..but thats it! Theres no taking her out, she won’t move.The only way she will come out and go to barn is if i take her friend in first! Then i can get her into her stall, and i let her friend back out.she has a little bit of a fit, but calms down.its really hard to get her to leave the barn yard, but she will if i raise my voice and carry a crop,( I dont whip her)! I tap her shoulder to get her to go..but anyways is there a easier way to get her to the barn? HELP! Ty monica
I have a mare who battles with separation. If I take her on her own to a show she is fine, but if I take her with another horse from the yard in a box she gets absolutely hysterical and will trample people to get back to her friend. Because horses are so strong and big and its actually quite dangerous, I listened to a friend and I tried to sort the problem out by doing a lot of ground work with her like pirelli and monty roberts. It actually really worked, she is so much more aware of me and my space now and listens so much better.
HOrses are herd animals and I am always amazed at the friendships they form. We had to put a horse down in our yard recently and his stable mate of 12 years paced his stable and paddock for a week, calling all the time. Heartbreaking.
When I euthanized my old mare at age 30 I left her body in the pasture until her old friends could come say goodbye. They all stood around her with their heads drooping. I buried her in that spot and her boys still come and taste the earth around her gravesite.
I have a 28 year old Standardbred and a 23 year old thourobred. Jade, the 23 year old is very dependent on Mellow. Mellow is mostly blind and was always top mare so I often think that Jade feels the need to watch out for her buddy. We havenever been able to safely ride out with Jade on her own and Jade was always hysterical when left behind. (We no longer ride either one.) I am really concerned what will happen to Jade if something happens to Mellow. I have a pony and 5 minis as well but they are not pastured together. They are all stalled in the barn together and are able to nuzzle over the fence. I am wondering if, when the time comes, I should get another older mare for Jade or try putting her and a mini together. I wonder about the safety of puttting a large horse and mini’s together.
My beautiful mare Dutchess had to be put down and we buried her on the farm, her best friend, another mare laid on her grave and slept there… They feel loss and they love each other
I lost everything in the Colo flood! Had to separate my horses in three different places. My Mare and 7 week foals foal along with the others were so glad to get out, all but the Stallion are back together they are sooooo happy! They truly have feelings!
🙁 I have a 23 year old mare that attaches to another horse very quickly and makes my life and time around them miserable. I’ve had her since she was two but leased her out for a year off premises. When she came back she was like this. Never used to be. Could ride her away and do anything with her. Not so much now. Do they get this way in older years? Senile?
All should be mindful that horses are herd animals. They do best when they have a companion.When keeping a horse, by itself, without any other horses around, this cuts that horses lifespan in half. They in fact need other horses around to thrive and maintain good health! Horses are not happy being alone, no matter how much time their human caretakers spend with them.Without other horses nearby, their physical and mental health, and well being suffers a great deal, which explains why many have problems with their horses, when they’re kept isolated from other horses!A miniature horse is small, takes up little space, and not too much more of an expense to feed. Just a thought for those with little room for two full sized horses.
what I have learnt is that horses with separation stress and fence pacers all revert back to how they were weaned from their mother.obviously someone who buys a horse has no control over the weaning process.I have breed only 3 foals but I develop a deep trust with the foal so when it comes times to wean it goes smoothly.always have adjoining paddocks with smooth rail fences so mare and foal can still have safe contact.Also a playmate for the foal is also a bonus.It was pointed out to me once that there is the physical weaning and then also the mental weaning i.e., I had totally weaned a foal from wanting milk from its mother and after a short period put the foal back in with its mother.when there was any situation the foal would run back to its mother for comfort -i don’t mean be tough on the foal but you also need to wean mentally or you end up with adult separation stress.
Julie, Alot of race horses have anxiety issues,often times theses horses have goats for companions.The goats are great.Because of their size they can go almost anywhere the horse goes. my suggestion would be to look for a goat companion for your horse. Good Luck! Annie
Hi, I now have a 5 yr old mare who has lived the majority of her life alone although as fields/paddocks attached to house always people coming and going. I decided to rescue 2 goats, boys, they seem to help a bit with her loneliness but have decided to bite the bullet and borrow a quiet Shetland mare who I will start off in adjacent field to my skewbald and make sure they have short periods of separation from the start. Will keep you posted how things develop.
Hi, I now have a 5 yr old mare who has lived the majority of her life alone although as fields/paddocks attached to house always people coming and going. I decided to rescue 2 goats, boys, they seem to help a bit with her loneliness but have decided to bite the bullet and borrow a quiet Shetland mare who I will start off in adjacent field to my skewbald and make sure they have short periods of separation from the start. Will keep you posted how things develop. 🙂
Many years ago, I bought a TWH Mama mare and her 6 week old baby. We did everything together like the 3 Muskateers. I loved both horses deeply and I think they loved me, too. Board went up and I couldn’t afford to keep them, so after a year and 3/4, I sold the Mama to one family and the baby to another. I felt terrible and now feel I should’ve kept both no matter what. For, I’d let the baby suckle the Mama until I sold them, both horses were super friendly and affectionate. Everyne told me to separate them at 6 mos or earlier, but my heart and instincts said, NO! So, I didn’t, and am glad I let them be together for a very long time. Does anyone else agree with me—on natural weaning? I’d do it again.
Can any one help me I have a 5 year old rescue gelding He came from a bad area in South Africa .He is very hard to catch and he always has his ears back and seems unhappy We also took another horse at the same time and he bullies him a bit but they seem very close .When i work the youngster only lunging and long rein at the moment he is also very difficult napping .I put a saddle on him and we had a real rodeo show .Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!